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    Kiddushin 31b

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    English translation — Kiddushin 31b

    Translation: William Davidson Edition - English. Read alongside the Aramaic below; numbers match the passages of the daf.

    1and this action brings him to the life of the World-to-Come.

    2Rabbi Abbahu said: One such as Avimi, my son, properly fulfilled the mitzva of honoring his parents. The Gemara relates: Avimi had five sons during his father’s lifetime who were ordained to issue halakhic rulings, and he too was ordained. And yet when Rabbi Abbahu, his father, came and called at the gate to enter, Avimi would himself run and go to open the door for him. And before he arrived there, he would already say: Yes, yes, so that his father would not think that he was being ignored.

    3One day Rabbi Abbahu said to Avimi his son: Give me water to drink. Before he brought him the water, Rabbi Abbahu dozed off. Avimi bent over and stood over him until his father awoke. The performance of this mitzva aided him, i.e., as a reward God helped him in his studies, and Avimi succeeded in homiletically interpreting the psalm: “A song to Asaph” (Psalms 79).

    4Rav Ya’akov bar Avuh said to Abaye: With regard to one such as I, so beloved by my parents that before I return from the study hall my father brings me a cup and my mother pours for me, how should I act? Is it disrespectful to accept this honor from them? Abaye said to him: Accept it from your mother, but do not accept it from your father, as, since he is a Torah scholar he will be disheartened if his son does not show him the proper level of respect.

    5The Gemara relates: Rabbi Tarfon had a certain manner of treating his mother, that whenever she wished to ascend into her bed he would bend over and help her to ascend, and whenever she wished to descend from the bed, she would descend onto him. He came and praised himself in the study hall for performing the mitzva of honoring one’s father and mother so thoroughly. They said to him: You still have not reached even half of the honor due to her. Has it ever happened that she threw a purse into the sea in front of you, and you did not embarrass her?

    6When Rav Yosef heard his mother’s footsteps, he would say: I will stand before the arriving Divine Presence. Rabbi Yoḥanan said: Fortunate is one who never saw his father and mother, as it is so difficult to honor them appropriately. The Gemara relates that Rabbi Yoḥanan himself never saw his parents. When his mother was pregnant with him, his father died; and when she gave birth to him, his mother died. And the same is true of Abaye. The Gemara asks: Is that so, that Abaye never saw his mother? But didn’t Abaye say on many occasions: My mother told me? The Gemara answers: That mother was actually his foster mother, not his birth mother.

    7Rav Asi had an elderly mother. She said to him: I want jewelry, and he made jewelry for her. She said to him: I want a man whom I can marry, and he said to her: I will seek one for you. She said to him: I want a husband who is as handsome as you. At this point, he realized that she was senile, and that he would be unable to fulfill all her requests. Therefore, he left her and went to Eretz Yisrael.

    8Rav Asi heard that she was following him to Eretz Yisrael. He came before Rabbi Yoḥanan and said to him: What is the halakha with regard to leaving Eretz Yisrael to go outside of Eretz Yisrael? Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: It is prohibited. Rav Asi further asked: If one is going to greet his mother, what is the halakha ? Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: I do not know. Rav Asi waited a little while, and then came back to him. Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: Asi, you are evidently determined to leave. May the Omnipresent return you in peace, and he said no more.

    9Rav Asi came before Rabbi Elazar, because he did not know how to interpret Rabbi Yoḥanan’s statement. He said to Rabbi Elazar: God forbid, perhaps he is angry with me that I wished to leave? Rabbi Elazar said to him: What exactly did he say to you? Rav Asi said to him: May the Omnipresent return you in peace. Rabbi Elazar said to him: If it is so that he was angry, he would not have blessed you. Rabbi Yoḥanan certainly gave you permission to leave. In the meantime, while he was traveling to meet her, Rav Asi heard that her coffin was coming, i.e., his mother had died and her coffin was being brought to Eretz Yisrael. He said: Had I known I would not have left, as after his mother’s death he was not obligated to leave Eretz Yisrael to honor her.

    10The Sages taught: One honors his father in his life and honors him in his death. How does he honor him in his life? One who goes to a place on the command of his father should not say to the people to whom he has been sent, to hurry them along: Send me on my journey on my own behalf, or: Hurry up on my own behalf, or: Allow me to take leave of this business on my own behalf. Rather, he should say all of the above in the following manner: Act in this manner on Father’s behalf, as a mark of respect for his father.

    11How does he honor him in his death? If he says a matter he heard from his father’s mouth, he should not say: So said Father. Rather, he should say: So said Father, my teacher, may I be an atonement for his resting soul. And this halakha applies within twelve months of his death. From this time onward he says: May his memory be for a blessing, for the life of the World-to-Come.

    12The Sages taught: A Sage who lectures in public must change the name of his father, i.e., when he quotes his father he should not mention him by name. And similarly, he changes the name of his teacher. The disseminator, who explains the statements of a Sage to the audience, changes neither the name of his father nor the name of his teacher. The Gemara asks: To whose father is this referring? If we say it is referring to the father of the disseminator, whom the Sage mentioned in his lecture, is that to say that the disseminator is not obligated to observe the mitzva of honoring one’s father? How can a disseminator mention his own father by name?

    13Rather, Rava said: This is referring to the name of the Sage’s father and the name of the Sage’s teacher. This is like that which Mar bar Rav Ashi would do, as when he would teach Torah at his regular lecture and would mention a halakha in the name of his father, Rav Ashi, he would say: So said my father, my teacher; and his disseminator would say: So said Rav Ashi. Although a son may not mention his father’s name, the disseminator of his lecture may do so.

    14The Sages taught: What is fear and what is honor? Fear of one’s father includes the following: One may not stand in his father’s fixed place, and may not sit in his place, and may not contradict his statements by expressing an opinion contrary to that of his father, and he may not choose sides when his father argues with someone else. What is considered honor? He gives his father food and drink, dresses and covers him, and brings him in and takes him out for all his household needs.

    15A dilemma was raised before the Sages:

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    Rashi

    And brings him to the World-to-ComeAs he honors him by speaking good and consoling words to him, and he imposes the work upon him with a soft expression. He shows him the imminent need, that they are only able to be sustained by this strain. And the text in the Yerushalmi Gemara (Jerusalem Talmud Kiddushin 1:7:10) has a story about both of them: The story of the one who feeds his father pheasant is [that] one day, his father said to him, "From where do you get all these?" He said to him, "Old man, what do you care, grind and eat" - meaning, chew and eat! He showed him that it was difficult for him. And also a story about the one who grinds with a millstone [is that] he had an old father and the king sent a requisition for his father for the king's work. His son said to him, "Father, grind; and I will go in your place to the king's work which has no limit."

    Avimi had five ordained sons during his father’s lifetimeBut even so, when Rabbi Abbahu called at the gate, Avimi would run and open [it] for him and he would not let one of his sons go [do it].

    Yes, yesI will open [it], I will open [it].

    It aided himWhile he was still bent before him; such that he understood one of the psalms in the book of Psalms that he had not understood [how] to expound beforehand. And some explain that he only expounded this one verse (Psalm 79:1): "A Song of Asaph, God, the nations invaded your inheritance" - It should have stated, "A Lament of Asaph." And he expounded thus - that Asaph said a song that the Holy One, blessed be He, consumed His anger on wood and stone that was in His house; and because of this, exonerated the survivors in Israel. For were it not for this, Israel (lit. the enemies of Israel) would not have left any survivors. And this is what it says, (Lamentations 4:11) "The Lord has spent His fury, He has poured out His fierce anger, and He has kindled a fire in Zion."

    [Regarding one] such as ISince I am beloved to my father and precious to my mother - so they do this from me - what should I do?

    Since he is a Torah scholar he will be disheartenedIf you accept service from him.

    Fortunate is one who never saw themAs it is impossible to fulfill [the stipulations of] their honor as fully required. So he is punished over them.

    His foster motherNanny.

    You are determined to leaveHe reasoned that he intended to go back to his place, to Babylonia.

    Return you in peaceTo your place.

    He said to himRav Asi [said] to Rabbi Elazar, "Perhaps, God forbid, Rabbi Yochanan is angry with me."

    One who goes to a place on the command of his fatherIf he knows about the people of the place, that they give honor to his father - to accept words that he would say in his name - he should not attach the honor to himself. And he should attach the honor to his father, even if he knows that they would honor him the same as his father.

    Send me on Father’s behalfAs he needs me. But if the word of his father is not listened to like his own word in a place, he should not attach [it] to his father. For then it is [only] a disgrace.

    May I be an atonement for his restingAll the bad which is supposed to come upon his soul should come upon me.

    From then onwardHe already received what he [needed to] receive. For the judgment of the wicked among Israel in Geihinnom is only twelve months.

    A Sage changes the name of his father, etc.A Sage, who expounds a teaching in public and whispers [it] to the disseminator who orates [it], changes the name of his father and the name of his teacher. If he is coming to say a matter of law that his father or his teacher said, he whispers to the disseminator, "This is what my father, my teacher said; this is what my master, my teacher said."

    But the disseminatorThe one who orates it to the public does not change [the name], but rather calls him by his name and says, "This is what x said."

    Whose fatherDoes the disseminator not change.

    If we say the father of the disseminatorIf the Sage whispers a matter of law in the name of the father of the disseminator to orate [it] to the public in the name of the one that said it, he would not change [it]; to say, "This is what my father, my teacher said." Rather he would call him by his name.

    Is that to say the disseminator is not obligated[Is] he [not obligated] to honor his father.

    When he would teach at his regular lectureAnd whisper a matter of law to the disseminator in the name of Rav Ashi, his father - he would say to the disseminator, "This is what my father, my teacher said."

    And his disseminatorWhen he orates [it] to the public in the name of the one that said it, he says, "This is what Rav Ashi said." And he does not say, "This is what the father and the master of the Sage said.'

    One may not stand in his placeIn the place designated for his father to stand there, in the council of elders with his colleagues, for counsel.

    And he may not choose sides (lit., determine it)If his father and another Sage were disagreeing about a matter of law, he may not say, "The words of x appear [correct]."

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    קידושין 31 עמוד ב

    1ומביאו לחיי העולם הבא.

    2אמר רבי אבהו: כגון אבימי ברי קיים מצות כיבוד. חמשה בני סמכי הוה ליה לאבימי בחיי אביו, וכי הוה אתא רבי אבהו, קרי אבבא, רהיט ואזיל ופתח ליה ואמר: אין, אין, עד דמטאי התם.

    3יומא חד אמר ליה: אשקיין מיא. אדאייתי ליה נמנם. גחין קאי עליה עד דאיתער. איסתייעא מילתיה ודרש אבימי (תהלים עט, א) ״מזמור לאסף״.

    4אמר ליה רב יעקב בר אבוה לאביי: כגון אנא, דעד דאתינא מבי רב אבא מדלי לי כסא ואמא מזגה לי, היכי איעביד? א"ל מאמך קביל, ומאבוך לא תקבל דכיון דבר תורה הוא חלשה דעתיה.

    5רבי טרפון הוה ליה ההיא אמא דכל אימת דהות בעיא למיסק לפוריא גחין וסליק לה, וכל אימת דהות נחית, נחתת עלויה. אתא וקא משתבח בי מדרשא. אמרי ליה: עדיין לא הגעת לחצי כיבוד. כלום זרקה ארנקי בפניך לים ולא הכלמתה?

    6רב יוסף כי הוה שמע קל כרעא דאמיה, אמר: איקום מקמי שכינה דאתיא. אמר רבי יוחנן: אשרי מי שלא חמאן. רבי יוחנן כי עברתו אמו מת אביו, ילדתו מתה אמו. וכן אביי. איני? והאמר אביי: אמרה לי אם! ההיא מרבינתיה הואי.

    7רב אסי הוה ליה ההיא אמא זקינה. אמרה לי' בעינא תכשיטין. עבד לה. בעינא גברא: נייעין לך. בעינא גברא דשפיר כותך, שבקה ואזל לארעא דישראל.

    8שמע דקא אזלה אבתריה. אתא לקמיה דרבי יוחנן, אמר לי' מהו לצאת מארץ לחוצה לארץ? א"ל אסור. לקראת אמא מהו? א"ל איני יודע. [אתרח] פורתא, הדר אתא. אמר ליה: אסי, נתרצית לצאת המקום יחזירך לשלום.

    9אתא לקמיה דרבי אלעזר. א"ל חס ושלום, דלמא מירתח רתח? א"ל מאי אמר לך? אמר ליה: המקום יחזירך לשלום. אמר ליה: ואם איתא דרתח לא הוה מברך לך. אדהכי והכי שמע לארונא דקאתי. אמר: אי ידעי לא נפקי.

    Baraita

    10ת"ר מכבדו בחייו, ומכבדו במותו. בחייו כיצד? הנשמע בדבר אביו למקום, לא יאמר: ״שלחוני בשביל עצמי״, ״מהרוני בשביל עצמי״, ״פטרוני בשביל עצמי״. אלא כולהו: ״בשביל אבא״.

    11במותו כיצד? היה אומר דבר שמועה מפיו, לא יאמר: ״כך אמר אבא״, אלא: ״כך אמר אבא מרי, הריני כפרת משכבו״. והני מילי תוך שנים עשר חדש, מכאן ואילך אומר: ״זכרונו לברכה לחיי העולם הבא״.

    Baraita

    12תנו רבנן: חכם משנה שם אביו ושם רבו. תורגמן אינו משנה לא שם אביו ולא שם רבו. אבוה דמאן? אילימא אבוה דמתורגמן אטו תורגמן לאו בר חיובא הוא?

    13אלא אמר רבא: שם אביו של חכם, ושם רבו של חכם. כי הא דמר בר רב אשי כי הוה דריש בפירקא, איהו אמר: אבא מרי, ואמוריה אמר: הכי אמר רב אשי.

    Baraita

    14ת"ר איזהו מורא ואיזהו כיבוד? מורא לא עומד במקומו, ולא יושב במקומו, ולא סותר את דבריו, ולא מכריעו. כיבוד מאכיל ומשקה, מלביש ומכסה, מכניס ומוציא.

    15איבעיא להו:

    Tosafot

    It aided himWhile he was bent over him, he understood and expounded "A song for Asaf; God, the gentiles have entered Your inheritance." For he could not understand it before this and expound it. And some explain that just this verse itself [and not the chapter] did he expound, "It should not be 'Song' for Asaf, rather 'Lamentation' for Asaf! And he expounded that Asaf sang for the fact that God spent His anger on sticks and stones of His house, and thus allowed Israel to survive. For if not for that, he would not have allowed even one Israelite (lit. the enemies of Israel) to survive. And so, the verse states (Lamentations 4:11), "God spent His anger and a fire went out in Zion." So explains Rashi. But there is a Midrash that Asaf said song because the gates sank into the ground. It is compared to a maidservant who went to draw water from the well and whose pitcher fell into the well. She became distraught and began to cry - until the king’s maidservant came to draw water carrying a golden pitcher, and it too, fell into the well. At which point the first maidservant began to sing. ‘Till now’, she exclaimed, I didn’t think that anybody would retrieve my cheap earthenware pitcher from the well. But now, whoever retrieves the golden pitcher, will retrieve mine as well!’ In the same way, when the sons of Korach, who were swallowed up inside the earth, saw how the gates of the Temple sunk into the ground, they proclaimed ‘Whoever rescues the gates will also rescue us!’ That explains why Asaf, who was from the family of Korach, said ‘Mizmor.’

    Rabbi Tarfon had a motherIt is found in the Yerushalmi (Yerushalmi Kiddushin 1:7:7): Once the mother of Rabbi Tarfon lost her slipper in her courtyard. So she out from her couch to find it, and Rabbi Tarfon went and put his hands under her feet on the ground so that her feet would not get soiled; and she treaded on his hands. And also found in the Yerushalmi (Kiddushin 1:7:8) is that each and every time Rabbi Yishmael would arrive from the study hall, his mother would wash his feet and drink the water. When Rabbi Yishmael heard that she would do this, he refused [to do] the thing. [That was] until she went before the Sages and complained about her son, Rabbi Yishmael; that he was not fulfilling the commandment of honoring [parents]. And the Sages were confounded about the thing and asked Rabbi Yishmael. So he told them the story, and they commanded him to let her do [what] she wants, and that [her] honor was in this way.

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    Ritva

    "He received support for the matter, and expounded (Psalm 79) 'A Song for Asaf, God, the gentiles have entered your inheritance'"- Rashi explains... But in the Yerushalmi, he expounded another matter, that since Asaf, who was from the descendants of Korach, saw that the gates of the Temple sunk into the ground, he became happy, and he said, “The One who will eventually raise these gates will raise my grandfather.” It is compared to a poor man’s daughter who was drawing water from a well with a wooden bucket, and it falls into the well, and she cried. The king's daughter then came and drew with a golden bucket, and it fell into the well. When she saw that, the poor daughter became happy. She said, the one who will retrieve the bucket of the king’s daughter will bring mine up as well.

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    Babylonian Talmud · folio map

    Kiddushin 31b

    Kiddushin 31b. The full printed text of this folio side — 15 numbered segments, about 420 words — with the classic commentaries printed on the page.

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    Rashi

    And brings him to the World-to-Come As he honors him by speaking good and consoling words to him, and he imposes the work upon him with a soft expression. He shows him the imminent need, that they are only able to be sustained by this strain. And the text in the Yerushalmi Gemara (Jerusalem Talmud Kiddushin 1:7:10) has a story about both of them: The story of the one who feeds his father pheasant is [that] one day, his father said to him, "From where do you get all these?" He said to him, "Old man, what do you care, grind and eat" - meaning, chew and eat! He showed him that it was difficult for him. And also a story about the one who grinds with a millstone [is that] he had an old father and the king sent a requisition for his father for the king's work. His son said to him, "Father, grind; and I will go in your place to the king's work which has no limit."

    Avimi had five ordained sons during his father’s lifetime But even so, when Rabbi Abbahu called at the gate, Avimi would run and open [it] for him and he would not let one of his sons go [do it].

    Yes, yes I will open [it], I will open [it].

    It aided him While he was still bent before him; such that he understood one of the psalms in the book of Psalms that he had not understood [how] to expound beforehand. And some explain that he only expounded this one verse (Psalm 79:1): "A Song of Asaph, God, the nations invaded your inheritance" - It should have stated, "A Lament of Asaph." And he expounded thus - that Asaph said a song that the Holy One, blessed be He, consumed His anger on wood and stone that was in His house; and because of this, exonerated the survivors in Israel. For were it not for this, Israel (lit. the enemies of Israel) would not have left any survivors. And this is what it says, (Lamentations 4:11) "The Lord has spent His fury, He has poured out His fierce anger, and He has kindled a fire in Zion."

    [Regarding one] such as I Since I am beloved to my father and precious to my mother - so they do this from me - what should I do?

    Since he is a Torah scholar he will be disheartened If you accept service from him.

    Fortunate is one who never saw them As it is impossible to fulfill [the stipulations of] their honor as fully required. So he is punished over them.

    His foster mother Nanny.

    16 more comments on this page.

    Rashi on Kiddushin 31b · Sefaria · CC0

    Tosafot

    It aided him While he was bent over him, he understood and expounded "A song for Asaf; God, the gentiles have entered Your inheritance." For he could not understand it before this and expound it. And some explain that just this verse itself [and not the chapter] did he expound, "It should not be 'Song' for Asaf, rather 'Lamentation' for Asaf! And he expounded that Asaf sang for the fact that God spent His anger on sticks and stones of His house, and thus allowed Israel to survive. For if not for that, he would not have allowed even one Israelite (lit. the enemies of Israel) to survive. And so, the verse states (Lamentations 4:11), "God spent His anger and a fire went out in Zion." So explains Rashi. But there is a Midrash that Asaf said song because the gates sank into the ground. It is compared to a maidservant who went to draw water from the well and whose pitcher fell into the well. She became distraught and began to cry - until the king’s maidservant came to draw water carrying a golden pitcher, and it too, fell into the well. At which point the first maidservant began to sing. ‘Till now’, she exclaimed, I didn’t think that anybody would retrieve my cheap earthenware pitcher from the well. But now, whoever retrieves the golden pitcher, will retrieve mine as well!’ In the same way, when the sons of Korach, who were swallowed up inside the earth, saw how the gates of the Temple sunk into the ground, they proclaimed ‘Whoever rescues the gates will also rescue us!’ That explains why Asaf, who was from the family of Korach, said ‘Mizmor.’

    Rabbi Tarfon had a mother It is found in the Yerushalmi (Yerushalmi Kiddushin 1:7:7): Once the mother of Rabbi Tarfon lost her slipper in her courtyard. So she out from her couch to find it, and Rabbi Tarfon went and put his hands under her feet on the ground so that her feet would not get soiled; and she treaded on his hands. And also found in the Yerushalmi (Kiddushin 1:7:8) is that each and every time Rabbi Yishmael would arrive from the study hall, his mother would wash his feet and drink the water. When Rabbi Yishmael heard that she would do this, he refused [to do] the thing. [That was] until she went before the Sages and complained about her son, Rabbi Yishmael; that he was not fulfilling the commandment of honoring [parents]. And the Sages were confounded about the thing and asked Rabbi Yishmael. So he told them the story, and they commanded him to let her do [what] she wants, and that [her] honor was in this way.

    Tosafot on Kiddushin 31b · Sefaria · CC0

    Ritva

    "He received support for the matter, and expounded (Psalm 79) 'A Song for Asaf, God, the gentiles have entered your inheritance'"- Rashi explains... But in the Yerushalmi, he expounded another matter, that since Asaf, who was from the descendants of Korach, saw that the gates of the Temple sunk into the ground, he became happy, and he said, “The One who will eventually raise these gates will raise my grandfather.” It is compared to a poor man’s daughter who was drawing water from a well with a wooden bucket, and it falls into the well, and she cried. The king's daughter then came and drew with a golden bucket, and it fell into the well. When she saw that, the poor daughter became happy. She said, the one who will retrieve the bucket of the king’s daughter will bring mine up as well.

    Ritva on Kiddushin 31b · Sefaria · CC0

    Meiri

    אפילו היה הבן תלמיד חכם וכן שהוא גדול בשנים אין לו להקל בכבוד אב ואם דרך הערה אמרו על אבימי בנו של ר' אבהו שהיה תלמיד חכם וכן שהיה גדול בשנים עד שהיו לו חמשה בנים בעלי הוראה ואעפ"כ אמרו עליו כי הוה אתי אבוה וקרי אבבא רהיט ואזיל ואמר אין אין עד דמטי התם ופתח ליה יומא חד אמר ליה אשקיין מיא אדאיתי נמנם גחין וקם עליה עד דאיתער ומה שאמרו על זה איסתייעא מלתא ודרש מזמור לאסף בתריסר אפי הוא שתמהו בו מזמור לאסף אלהים באו גוים בנחלתך שמו את ירושלם לעיים אדרבה קינה לאסף מיבעי ליה ואחד מהם הוא שאמר שירה על שכלה חמתו בעצים ואבנים שבה ולא נהרגו כלם וכדכתוב כלה י"י את חמתו ויצת אש בציון:

    וכן אמרו על ר' טרפון שהיתה אמו זקנה כל אימת דבעיא למיסק לפוריא גחין וסלקא עליה וכשהיה משבח עצמו על כך אמרו לו עדין לא הגעת לחצי כבוד:

    ואם היה הבן תלמיד חכם ורצו אביו ואמו לשמשו יקבל מאמו ואל יקבל מאביו שמכיון שהוא בן תורה יש לו בזה חלישות הדעת:

    אע"פ שהמצות לא ניתנו לדחות מפני כבוד אב ואם כמו שיתבאר מכל מקום מותר לצאת מארץ ישראל לחוצה לארץ לצאת לקראת אביו או לקראת אמו וכן לשאר מיני כבוד:

    היה משתדל באי זה דבר ואינו נשמע אל יאמר מהרוני בשביל עצמי שלחוני בשביל עצמי פטרוני בשביל עצמי אלא שלחוני בשביל אבא פטרוני בשביל אבא מהרוני בשביל אבא:

    וכשם שצריך לכבדו בחייו כך צריך לכבדו במותו כיצד היה אומר דבר שמועה מפיו אל יאמר כך אמר אבא אלא כך אמר אבא מרי הריני כפרת משכבו ודוקא תוך שנים עשר חדש אבל לאחר שנים עשר חדש אומר זכרונו לחיי העולם הבא וכיוצא בזה:

    כשהחכם דורש ומעמיד תורגמן והיה החכם מביא דברים בשם אביו או רבו אינו מזכירן בשמותיהן אלא כך אמר אבא כך אמר רבי אבל כשהתורגמן משמיע הדברים לאחרים אינו אומר כך אביו או רבו של חכם אלא מזכירן בשם כשאר החכמים:

    אי זהו מורא ואי זהו כבוד מורא אינו עומד בפניו ר"ל עד שיתן לו רשות לעמוד ולא יושב במקומו ולא יסתור את דבריו ופירשו בו דוקא בפניו וכן אם אביו חולק עם אחרים לא מכריעו בפניו אי זהו כבוד מאכילו ומשקהו מלביש ומכסה מכניס ומוציא וכלם משל אב אלא שמתבטל ממלאכתו לדברים אלו ומכל מקום אם אין לאב עושה משלו ואם לא עשה הרי נפקע ממצות כבוד וכופין אותו וכן מצינו במדרש מתן תורה בפרשתא רביעאתא כל שמועתא פשטין בחדא כופין את הבן לזון את האב ומה שיש לפקפק בו ממה שאמרו כל מצוה שמתן שכרה בצדה אין בית דין מוזהרים עליה אב אצל הבן אינו בכלל זה כדין קטני קטנים בשאר צדקות כופין לדעת הרבה מפרשים כמו שביארנו ברביעי של כתבות:

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    Meiri on Kiddushin 31b · Sefaria

    Penei Yehoshua

    "Until he woke up, he received support for the matter and Avimi expounded (Psalms 79) Mizmor Le'Asaf" - See Rashi, and Tosafot, and the Chiddushei Aggadot of the Meharsha z”l. In my humble opinion, it seems to be that the simple explanation is that regarding Avimi fulfilling the commandment of Kibud very well, that after he had brought the water requested of him, he added to that by standing over him until he awoke, that was not necessary except to fulfill the commandment on an extra level. He perceived this, and merited to understand Mizmor L’asaf. This is not Mizmor 79 that Rashi and Tosafot say, but rather Mizmor 73, which is the beginning of the words of Asaf, who says (Psalms 73:2-3) “But as for me, my feet had almost turned away, in an instant my steps would have been swept away. For I envied the perverse; I would see the tranquility of the wicked.” That whole Mizmor is about being very pained about the length of the exile, like it is also written, (Psalms 73:17) “Until I came to the sanctuaries of God, and I understood their end.” Almost all Mizmor L’asaf chapters are about the length of the last exile by the hands of the descendants of Esau, and that Mizmor ends, “You lead me with Your counsel, and after honor You receive for me.” And there is a Midrash (Yalkut Shimoni on Nach 808:12), “Said Rabbi Yehudah ben Beteira, “You lead me with your counsel of the Torah, after (achar) honor You receive for me, the great honor that Esau did for his parents, that You will eventually grant us. Rav Huna said in the name of R. Nechunya, The honor of Jacob was delayed (icher) in this world, because of the great honor that Esau showed his parents,” see at length in the Yalkut. And what we find with Esau is exactly what is described in the story of Avimi, who got up for his father, and would always feed him and give him drink. And if so, with this did Avimi gain “support for the matter”, that he understood in the lines of Asaf in those Mizmors. That is, it states “Mizmor L’asaf” because all Esau had as good deeds was this honor, which gave him such prosperity in this world, and from that you can learn the great merit of the righteous in this world and the next, which is how the Midrash ends, “After honor You receive for me,” that You will eventually grant to us. So it seems to me as correct, with God’s help, were it not for Rashi and Tosafot writing differently, that it refers to Psalm 79, and even according to what I wrote it makes sense to also refer to Mizmor 79, but it seems that the real main derash [of Avimi] is the beginning of the Mizmor L’asafs. And it’s possible that all of these are the same, and you should look and you will find, and perhaps the Omnipresent granted me from Heaven with this [idea].

    Penei Yehoshua on Kiddushin 31b · Sefaria · CC0

    Gilyon HaShas

    גמ' הריני כפרת משכבו כעין זה במתני' רפ"ב דנגעים:

    Gilyon HaShas on Kiddushin 31b · Sefaria

    Ben Yehoyada

    כְּגוֹן אֲבִימִי בְּרִי, קִיֵּם מִצְוַת כִּבּוּד קשה מאי רבותיה בדבר זה שהולך לפתוח הדלת לאביו והלא רבי טרפון גחין וסלקא אימיה לפוריה על גבו וגם הלכה פעם על כפות ידיו ועם כל זה אמרו לו 'עֲדַיִן לֹא הִגַעְתָּ לַחֲצִי כִּבּוּד'? ונראה לי בס"ד דאין כונתו לשבחו בשיעור הכבוד אלא כונתו לשבחו שהיה עושה מצות כבוד לשמה ולא בעבור שכר, דידוע מה שאמר התנא (משנה אבות ו, ז) גדולה תורה שנותנת חיים לעושיה בעולם הזה ובעולם הבא ופרשנו הכונה דעל עסק התורה מפורש שכר של אריכות ימים דכתיב 'וּבַדָּבָר הַזֶּה תַּאֲרִיכוּ יָמִים' (דברים לב, מז) וכן נאמר 'כִּי בִי יִרְבּוּ יָמֶיךָ וְיוֹסִיפוּ לְּךָ שְׁנוֹת חַיִּים' (משלי ט, יא) ואף על גב דשכר זה של אריכות ימים נאמר גם במצות כבוד אב ואם ובמצות שלוח הקן התם אינו אלא בעולם הבא ולא בעולם הזה כמו שאמרו רז"ל (קידושין לט:) בגמרא לְמַעַן יַאֲרִיכֻן יָמֶיךָ (דברים ה, טו) לעולם שכולו ארוך. אך אריכות ימים האמור גבי תורה היא בעולם הזה ובעולם הבא ולכך בא רבי אבהו לעשות הוכחה לאבימי בריה שהיה עושה מצות כבוד אב לשמה ואין כונתו בשביל השכר יען כי כאשר היה אביו קרי אבבא היה פוסק מלימודו והולך לפתוח הדלת לכבודו ואם היה בשביל שכר אדרבא ישאר במקומו ללמוד עדיף ליה כי שכר לימוד התורה הוא בעולם הזה ובעולם הבא ושכר הכיבוד אב ואם הוא רק בעולם הבא. והא דהוצרך לומר 'חֲמִשָּׁה בְּנֵי סַמְכֵי הֲווּ לֵיהּ לַאֲבִימִי בְּחַיֵּי אָבִיו' ללמד כיון דחמשה כולם סמוכים אי אפשר שלא ימצא להיות תמיד לומדים עמו כולם או מקצתם ונמצא יש מצויים לפתוח ועם כל זה קם הוא לפתוח ואינו מניח לאחד מבניו לקום לפתוח. ועוד נראה לי בס"ד הא דהוצרך לומר 'חֲמִשָּׁה בְּנֵי סַמְכֵי הֲווּ לֵיהּ לַאֲבִימִי בְּחַיֵּי אָבִיו' דלא תימא מה שהיה קם לפתוח לאביו מפני שלא היה אחד מן בני הבית הולך לפתוח ובעל כרחו היה פוסק לימודו וקם לפתוח לו כי כולם עצלים, לזה אמר דהיה לו חמשה בנים סמוכים ואם כן מסתמא היו מצויים אצלו ללמוד עמו ביחד ומסתמא גברי רברבי אלו לא יהיו עצלים בדבר הזה אלא היו חפצים בשמחה רבה לעשות שימוש אלא רק הוא לא היה מניחם כדי לעשות הכבוד בעצמו.

    וְאָמַר 'אִין אִין', עַד דְּמָטָא הָתָם. קשא למה הוצרך לומר 'אִין אִין' כל משך הליכתו עד שהיה מגיע אצלו, ודי בפעם אחת להשמיעו קולו שהוא בא לפתוח ולא יהיה קָרִי אַבָּבָא? ונראה לי בס"ד כיון בזה לעיני הרואין ההולכים ובאים בתוך החצר דשמא בעת שאמר 'אִין' היו עסוקים בפנים ולא שמעו זאת ואחר שרואין אותו רץ והולך בתוך החצר חושבין שהוא רץ בעבור צורך עצמו להביא איזה חפץ או דבר אחר שיש לו שם אצל הפתח ואגב פתח לאביו אכן עתה רואין שהוא רץ וקורא 'אִין אִין' בזה ניכר שעושה לכבוד אביו. ועוד נראה לי שהוא רוצה לעשות המצוה של הכבוד במעשה ודבור ומחשבה ביחד בבת אחת ולכן בעת שהוא מהלך שעושה מעשה היא מחשב במצוה זו וגם מדבר בפיו 'אִין אִין' נמצא מקיים המצוה במחשבה ודבור ומעשה בבת אחת.

    אִיסְתַּיְעָא מִלְּתֵיהּ וְדָרִישׁ אֲבִימִי "מִזְמוֹר לְאָסָף" (תהלים עט, א). נראה לי בס"ד שייכות לדרשא זו כאן על פי מה שכתבו התוספות בשם המדרש דחרבן בית המקדש היה טובה לבני קרח כי על ידי שטבעו השערים אחזו בהם כדי לעלות עמהם לעתיד ולכך אמרו שירה בטביעת השערים ולכן אסף שהיה מבניהם אמר מזמור על חרבן בית המקדש עד כאן. וקשא בשלמא קרח ובניו שהם עצמן עומדים בצרה גדולה לכן כשראו שצמחה להם טובה בטביעת השערים אמרו שירה אך אסף דאינו עומד בצרה זו של אבותיו איך מלאו לבו לומר 'מזמור', ו'קינה' מבעי ליה! אך התשובה לזה כי אסף היה כבוד אבותיו חביב ואהוב לו מאד ובאמת אמרו (בראשית רבה נה, ח) גדולה אהבה שמקלקלת את השורה, לכן אמר שירה גם לעת כזאת שלא היה מן הראוי לאומרה דחביבה ליה טובת אבותיו וכבודן ולכן עתה שהיה אבימי עוסק בכבוד אביו אסתייעא מלתא ודריש הכתובים של מזמור שאמרו אסף בשביל כבוד אבותיו וטובתם. ועוד נראה לי בס"ד על פי הטעם דאיתא במדרש מה שאמר אסף מזמור בחרבן בית המקדש מפני שראה טובתו יתברך עם ישראל ששפך חמתו על עצים ואבנים ולא לכלותם ואמרו במדרש על זה משל לאב עם בנו שאהב אותו עיין שם ולכן בשביל שהראה אבימי עתה אהבתו עם אביו דהוה גחין קאי ליה עד דאתער לכך זכה לדרוש במזמור זה דאסף המדבר בעד אהבה שיש בין האב הוא הקדוש ברוך הוא ובין הבן שהם ישראל.

    כְּגוֹן אֲנָא, דְּעַד דַּאֲתִינָא מִבֵּי רַב אַבָּא מַדְלִי לִי כַּסָּא, וְאִמָּא מַזְגָא לִי, הֵיכִי אִיעָבִיד. יש להקשות למאי אצטריך למימר 'עַד דַּאֲתִינָא מִבֵּי רַב' לימא בקיצור כגון 'אֲנָא דְּאַבָּא מַדְלִי לִי כַּסָּא וְאִמָּא מַזְגָא לִי הֵיכִי אִיעָבִיד' ומה לו להודיע אם עושים לו זאת בעת שבא מבית המדרש או בשאר עתים? ונראה לי בס"ד כונתו לומר אם עושים כן בשאר עתים ודאי לא אקבל אך אני מסופק בדבר זה שהם עושים לי כן בזמן שאני בא מבית המדרש דוקא דהענין מוכיח מתוכו לאו משום יקרא דידי בלבד עבדי אלא הם מתכוונים גם כן בשביל אהבת ויקרת התורה שלמדתי בבית המדרש שהם שמחים מאד על אשר הלכתי ללמוד תורה ומכיון דמצורף עם זה אהבה ויקר וחבוב של תורה גם כן אפשר דמותר לי לקבל מהם ואמר לו אף על פי כן מאמך קבל ומאביך לא תקבל כיון דבר תורה הוא.

    עֲדַיִן לֹא הִגַעְתָּ לַחֲצִי כִּבּוּד כְּלוּם זָרְקָה אַרְנְקִי בְּפָנֶיךָ לַיָּם, וְלֹא הִכְלַמְתָּהּ. קשא איך חלקו שיעור הכבוד לחצאין ונתברר אצלם שלא הגיע בזה לחצי שיעור הכבוד? ונראה לי בס"ד כי במה שנאמר כַּבֵּד אֶת אָבִיךָ וְאֶת אִמֶּךָ (שמות כ, יא) נרמז באותיות כבוד שצריך האדם לכבד אב ואם בין אם מגיע לו צער מצד הגוף שלו כמו רבי טרפון בין אם מגיע לו צער מצד הממון שלו כגון שזרקו לו ארנקי לים. והיינו כי כבוד [32] גימטריא ל"ב כמנין ב' פעמים וי [16] וכל וי הוא לשון צער כלומר בין אם עשו לו וי בגופו כמו אמו של רבי טרפון שהיתה עולה על גבו למטתה וגם לפי דברי הירושלמי שהלכה פעם אחת על כפות ידיו, בין אם עשו לו וי בממון שזרקו לו ארנקי לים. נמצא מצות הכבוד חציה על וי של הגוף וחציה על וי של ממון ולכן כאשר שבח עצמו רבי טרפון בכבוד שהיה לו בו צער הגוף דכל זמן שהיתה עולה למטה הוה גחין וסלקא עלויה אמר לו הן אמת שקיימת החצי של וי הגוף אך עדיין לא הגעת לחצי הכבוד השני שהוא וי של הממון, כלום זרקה ארנקי בפניך לים ולא הכלמתה?!

    בָּעִינָא גַּבְרָא! נִיעַיֵּין לָךְ אין כונתו לדחותה בשקר ח"ו אלא בקושטא קאמר שהיה רוצה לפייס אדם אחד בממון שיתרצה ליקח אשה זקנה כמוה אך אחר שאמרה לו שיהיה יפה כמוהו אמר ודאי דבר זה לא יתכן להיות כי אדם יפה כמוהו קפצי עליה אינשי בעלי ממון ובעלי יופי ואיך אפשר שיתרצה ליקח אשה זקנה?

    Ben Yehoyada on Kiddushin 31b · Sefaria

    What this page contains

    A full text unit for Kiddushin, daf 31, Amud Bet, about 420 words in 15 segments. Segment numbers make it easier to return to an exact line; the commentaries below are quoted from their printed sources.

    A unit-by-unit map of all 15 segments on this page: opening words, the moves the text actually makes and a link back to that exact segment.

    1. Segment 14 words

      Opens “ומביאו לחיי העולם הבא.…”

    2. Segment 234 words

      Opens “אמר רבי אבהו: כגון אבימי ברי קיים…”

      Named: רבי אבהו.

    3. Segment 323 words

      Opens “יומא חד אמר ליה: אשקיין מיא. אדאייתי…”

    4. Segment 434 words

      Opens “אמר ליה רב יעקב בר אבוה לאביי:…”

      Named: רב יעקב בר אבוה, רב אבא, אביי, אבא.

    5. Segment 540 words

      Opens “רבי טרפון הוה ליה ההיא אמא דכל…”

      Named: רבי טרפון.

    6. Segment 641 words

      Opens “רב יוסף כי הוה שמע קל כרעא…”

      Named: רב יוסף, רבי יוחנן, אביי.

    7. Segment 725 words

      Opens “רב אסי הוה ליה ההיא אמא זקינה.…”

      Named: רב אסי.

    8. Segment 835 words

      Opens “שמע דקא אזלה אבתריה. אתא לקמיה דרבי…”

      Named: רבי יוחנן.

    9. Segment 938 words

      Opens “אתא לקמיה דרבי אלעזר. א"ל חס ושלום,…”

      Named: רבי אלעזר.

    10. Segment 1026 words

      Opens “ת"ר מכבדו בחייו, ומכבדו במותו. בחייו כיצד?…”

      Named: אבא.

    11. Segment 1134 words

      Opens “במותו כיצד? היה אומר דבר שמועה מפיו,…”

      Named: אבא.

    12. Segment 1228 words

      Opens “תנו רבנן: חכם משנה שם אביו ושם…”

    13. Segment 1331 words

      Opens “אלא אמר רבא: שם אביו של חכם,…”

      Named: רב אשי, רבא, אבא.

    14. Segment 1425 words

      Opens “ת"ר איזהו מורא ואיזהו כיבוד? מורא לא…”

    15. Segment 152 words

      Opens “איבעיא להו:…”

    Sages named on this page

    • Rav Yosef · Third Generation Amoraim

      Rav Yosef, a prominent blind Amora, was a student of Rav Yehuda bar Yechezkel and a contemporary of Rabbah.

      Source: Kiddushin 31b · Segment 6 — “רב יוסף כי הוה שמע קל כרעא דאמיה, אמר:…

    • Abaye [HaKohen] · Amoraim · Fourth Generation of Amoraim

      Abaye, whose original name was Nachmani, was a leading fourth-generation Amora known for his vast Torah knowledge and ethical conduct.

      Source: Kiddushin 31b · Segment 6 — “…מתה אמו. וכן אביי. איני? והאמר אביי: אמרה לי…

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    Resolved to: Kiddushin 31b

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    Source: he.wikisource.org (Wikisource Talmud Bavli) · License: CC-BY-SA

    Edition: Wikisource Talmud Bavli · Wording checked against the source on 07/09/2026