Shulchan Arukh, Yoreh De'ah 383

<b>איסור תשמיש המטה לאבל. ובו ב' סעיפים:</b><br>אבל אסור בתשמיש המטה אבל בשאר דבר קורבה מותר אפילו במזיגת הכוס והצעת המטה והרחצת פניו ידיו ורגליו בין באבילות דידיה בין באבילות דידה (אבל חבוק ונשוק יש להחמיר) (רבינו ירוחם) ומותרת לאכול עמו בקערה ומותר' לישן עמו הוא בבגדו והיא בבגדה ומיהו משום לך לך אמרינן נזירא יש להחמיר שלא יישן [עמה] במטה כלל:

A mourner is forbidden marital intercourse, (II Sam. XII, 24) whence we infer that during the period of mourning it was forbidden. but any other type of contact is permissible, [namely], even the mixing of the cup [for him], making the bed [for him] and washing his face, hands or feet, [irrespective] whether it is his mourning or her mourning [that is being observed]. on the authority of RaBaD , derived from Ket. 4b. Cf. supra § 342 and notes. Perisha states that there is greater apprehension during the observance of her mourning, since he is prone to be tempted. ShaK , on the other hand, maintains that there is, contra Perisha , more fear that during his observance of mourning rites, he might be tempted, and she would obey his wish. Shitah Mek. (Ket. ibid .). cites a number of authorities whose explanation is similar to that of Perisha. However with regard to embracing and kissing one should adopt a stringent view. also Targum to Koh. III, 5 — R. A. Eger. She is permitted to eat with him from the same dish, on the authority of RaBaD , derived from Ket. 4b. In the case of a menstruous woman this would be forbidden (Mishna, Shab. 11a). and she is [also] permitted to sleep with him, [provided] he [is] in his garment and she [is] in her garment.. However, since we say, 'take a roundabout route, O, Nazirite, [and do not come near the vineyard'], one should adopt a stringent view, so that he should not sleep [with her] in the [same] bed at all.

במה דברים אמורים בשאר אבלות אבל אם מת אביו של חתן או אמה של כלה שמכניסין את המת לחדר ואת החתן ואת הכלה לחופה ובועל בעילת מצוה ופורש ונוהגים ז' ימי המשתה ואח"כ שבעת ימי אבלות אסור להתייחד עמה כל י"ד יום אלא הוא ישן בין האנשים והיא ישנה בין הנשים כדאיתא בסימן שמ"ב אבל אם כנס לחופה והתחילו ימי המשתה שלו ואח"כ מת לו מת מותר להתייחד עמה כמו בשאר אבלות והוא שבעל אבל אם לא בעל אסור להתייחד עמה כל ימי האבל בין בחול בין בשבת:

The [above ruling] applies only with respect to [all] other [cases] of mourning, but if the father of the bridegroom died, or the mother of the bride, [in which case], they bring the corpse into a room, and the bridegroom and the bride into a bridal chamber, and he performs the dutiful marital act, and [then] separates [himself from her], and they observe [first] the seven days of the [wedding-] feast and after that [they observe] the seven days of mourning, § 342 and notes. —[the law is that] he is forbidden to be alone with her throughout the fourteen days, [and] he sleeps only among the men and she sleeps among the women as is stated in § 34 in par. 1) might lead him to treat this case lightly (Ket. 4b). But if he [already] married her and the days of the [wedding-] feast had begun, and subsequently he suffered a bereavement, he is permitted to be alone with her as in [all] the other [cases] of mourning, implied in Ket. ibid. In this case the seven days of the wedding-feast began legally and are not the result of leniency. Likewise, if one suffered a bereavement on a Festival, he is permitted to be alone with his wife (v. infra § 399, 2 Gloss ), for here too, the Festival sets in by itself and the question of leniency is not involved. Furthermore, the joy experienced on a Festival is not as great as in the case of a groom — ShaK. provided he had cohabited with her; however, if he had not cohabited with her, he is forbidden to be alone with her throughout the days of mourning, whether on a weekday or on a Sabbath.